Mar 16, 2016

Dealing with Jealousy



During my time in college I was in a three-year relationship with someone who I thought would be my happily ever after. In reality, it was the farthest thing from happy. I didn't realize how unhealthy it was until after the relationship ended. I didn't love myself because my feelings were dependent on this person. I didn't believe in or realize my own beauty and confidence I had at the time.

I was self-conscious of myself because I was an insecurity for the person I was with. They were pushing their negative thoughts they had onto me. This included makeup, clothes, my curves and my dreams. As long as I could remember, I've had big dreams for my life. I wanted to intern in NYC, be a Fashion Designer and have an amazing and creative life filled with traveling, learning and growing as a person.

Believe it or not, he was far from supportive of all of those things. Every big idea I had instantly was shot down. I was basically told I wasn't allowed to do those things. Thankfully, myself back then was smart enough to ignore the negative comments and continue with my dreams. Having a boyfriend never made me want to change the way I wanted my career to go.

Therefore, I never actually listened to him and his insecurities with my dreams and motivation for success. The night before every interview for an internship I had in the city, he would fight with me on the phone and make up some crazy and absurd reasons as to why it's a bad idea and that I would get hit on by a possible male intern and it would be my fault if that happened. He would purposefully make me upset and try to get in my head so mentally, I wouldn't perform well during my interview. Thankfully it never worked. It actually pushed me to work even harder to achieve my dreams. I got the internship and loved every moment of that summer in the city.

As a person, I grew knowing I truly wanted this life of working in Manhattan with the gut feeling that this relationship would not last if he never changed his jealous behavior. Before the end of that summer, the relationship ended. It was a stressful and depressing time in my life dealing with it because we went to the same College and majority of the students on campus loved drama and tried to create it, including my ex. I chose not to go with the flow and focused on myself and kicking ass on my Senior Collection design project.

After all the mind games and manipulation I was dealing with from him I would tell him, thank you.
And here's how.
My ass and I thank you for motivating me to go to the gym to deal with the breakup.
Thank you for showing me all the tricks that "Fuck Boys" use to try and get in my pants.
Thank you for letting me go so I can find and love myself again.
Thank you for letting me realize how confident, sexy, and sassy I am.
Thank you for letting me find how high value of a woman I am.
Thank you for showing me everything I would never want or tolerate in my next relationship.
Thank you for giving me the chance to find a healthy relationship without jealousy or insecurities.
Thank you for letting me go and not keeping me stuck so I can live my kick-ass life working in NYC.

I was single for two years and went on dates with guys that I could literally write a hilarious book about. But, most importantly, I worked on bettering myself and growing in my career. Today, I am in the most amazing relationship where I am emotionally supported and encouraged to pursue my dreams and told how sexy and beautiful I am every day. We can smile and laugh when one of us gets hit on while were out together or on our own. we don't feel threatened by it but more complimented.

We both find each other attractive and I don't mind that other girls think my boyfriend is cute, hot or sexy because he is! He was hit on while I was standing next to him at an event we went to and I honestly didn't even realize it till he told me hours later. I don't look at every girl as a threat because I don't need to and he doesn't either when I get hit on at a bar by some random guy. Why doesn't this upset either of us? Because were secure in ourselves and in our relationship and we don't go out looking to get hit on, it just happens. 

We don't have insecurities about one another looking amazing when we go out in fear of someone hitting on either on of us. That's unhealthy. I truly hope a badass babe like you finds or has a relationship that is positive, loving and supportive. No one should be in a relationship like the one I was in during college or be treated any less than what they truly deserve and feel like the goddess that they are.

A quote from my favorite movie, The Pursuit of Happiness also helps deliver my message to you.

"Don't ever let someone tell you that you can't do something. Not even me. You got a dream, you gotta protect it. When people can't do something themselves, they're gonna tell you that you can't do it. You want something, go get it. Period."
 - Will Smith, from The Pursuit of Happiness


Remember babes,
Keep Kicking Ass!

Xox
Sade'


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