Dec 31, 2017

10 things I Learned Before Turning 26


1. Only Do Things That Make You Happy.
This was a lesson that took me a while to fully learn. I used to try and be busy all the time so I wouldn't have to think and deal with being alone with myself and my thoughts. Realistically, being "busy" was draining me. My body constantly felt like a hangover without actually drinking the night before. I hated feeling like this so I started to do things that truly made me happy. I wanted more experiences than nights at the bar. I was new to NYC & Long Island so I wanted to go to museums, exhibits, eat amazing food as well as spend an entire day at the beach basking in the sun. I have friends in different boroughs of the city so we would meet up and I would explore with them. Sometimes, the happiest I am is when I'm at home wearing comfy clothes, no bra or makeup and have Netflix playing while I draw or paint.

3. Date. A Lot.
I think I could write a novel on all the horrible dates I've been on as well as the good ones. However, dating isn't trying to shop for a husband. I would talk to 3 guys at once and filter through them to see who was worth my time instead of throwing all my eggs in one basket. Dating is a way to improve your social skills, build confidence, learn to flirt better and how to hit on a guy. It's fun to get dolled up and someone spending money on you and appreciating the gesture. If they turn out to be amazing, go out again. If not, read number 2.

2. Stay Away From Fuck Boys.
They may look to die for in that leather jacket, covered in tattoos and whatever else tickles your fancy (Those were mine). If they treat you like shit and can't realize what a Queen you are, kick them to the curb. Best advice from dad. Boys are stupid.

3. Fall In Love Again.
I've been truly heartbroken where it felt like I was living with a giant hole in my chest and could hardly stand or even get out of bed to get ready for the day. It truly felt like a core. You can read about it in a past blog post Dealing With Jealousy. However, in order to find love again, I needed to deeply and truly love myself. I needed to realize how much of a high value & independent woman I really was. There were a lot of bumps in the road to loving myself and enjoying being alone but I did it. Once I finally stopped looking for external forms love, love found me at a house party.

4. Follow A Life Coach/ Motivational Speaker.
Laugh and roll your eyes all you want but finding someone besides your parents or friends who can give you useful advice is a lifesaver. To not suck at dating and being a pro at talking to anyone, anywhere and being able to confidently walk up to that hot guy you noticed without tripping over your own feet, I strongly suggest looking into Matthew Hussey. I've mentioned him before but I linked a video from one of his seminars that really hook you in. If you're wanting to find a new perspective on how to view your life and the world I recommend Gabby Bernstein. Gabby is a motivational speaker, life coach, and New York Times Bestselling Author. She teaches self-love, forgiveness, and holistic approach to spirituality.

5. Treat Yourself.
I am still not perfect at this because I do sometimes feel guilty spending on myself, but I do know that sometimes, you need to invest in yourself and your happiness. You can treat yourself in a multitude of ways. Get your nails done, get your hair cut, buy a new skincare product, have a spa night at home or even just stay in and take a nap.

6. Burn Incense/Sage.
Seriously, it's been a game changer for me. Whenever I moved into a new place, I would burn sage in the room to clean out the last person's emotional baggage that I don't want to feel while living there. When I come home from work, having either a jasmine or cedar wood like incense really helps me and my overactive mind calm down and relax. Also, it helps me with my anxiety.

7. Learn To Let Go Of Your Parents Opinion Of You. 
Learning to accept that they probably won't understand you or don't like the way you live your life is extremely hard. They compare what they did at our age versus what we do now as obsolete. Yet, what worked for them in the past doesn't work the same way now. I don't know when or why after a certain point that your biggest supporters become your biggest critiques. You want to tell them everything that is going on in your life but once you do, it bites you in the ass. You walk away feeling small and want to roll up into a ball because you feel like you failed them by doing what you love. Learning to accept that you have to be selective with what you tell them or that they probably never will like how you go about your life, your career etc. is just a something we need to let go of and not allow ourselves be held back by it.

8. Declutter.
Getting rid of a lot of my belongings that I truly no longer needed, outgrown, didn't like, or had no use for has really helped me emotionally feel better. When you have a clutter of things surrounding you it can feel very overwhelming and unmotivating to get things done. When I moved to Astoria I had to get rid of a storage unit that held a lot of my things I had as a kid. I honestly think I donated 90% of what was in that storage unit because I truly no longer needed it. Now, I'm no minimalist, I still have some things I can still purge from my room but it is a lot better and I feel more inspired.

9. Don't Stress About Getting Married/ Having Kids.
I used to never want to get married. Like never. As a kid when I played house with my friends they tried to make me play the mom and I refused and insisted I be the rebellious older sister. However, marriage is a bit more appealing to me now in a sense that I would want to be with someone I can grow and share not only my life with but have someone else to learn from and be a teammate. I have gone into panic mode a few times seeing friends getting married or having kids. I felt like I was behind or not doing things the way I'm supposed to since my parents were married at my age. But I learned that what others do with there beautiful lives isn't meant for me. At least not yet. I don't want to rush getting married or have a kid. I'm enjoying being selfish with my time and I still have lots I want to accomplish and do beforehand. Not saying that it's game over for me once I'm married and have a kid but I just want to take my time enjoying life, enjoying my current relationship while also congratulating others who are starting these new milestones in there lives.

10. It's Totally Fine Not Liking To Go Out To The Bar.
To be honest, it's that same thing every time. If you're single, hit on a few guys to get a free drink because, why would I spend my hard earned money on a $14 drink when I can let the stupid guy whos not getting into my pants pay for it instead. Going to a bar while in a relationship... I don't know about you but I'm there early to eat food and then leave to go home to Netflix with him so I can get into his pants.

xox
Sade'

2 comments:

  1. I really appreciate your tips. I certainly agree with what you said about decluttering, doing things that make you happy, taking care of yourself and others. I decluttered and just finished restyling my room yesterday and it really helps me to feel more creative and serene!!

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    1. Hi Svéa! I'm so happy you like them! I love the feeling after decluttering and moving furniture around. It truly is serene!

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